In the light of the day

Yesterday, I was supposed to be working on Chapter 4 of my dissertation, which is the section where I present the results from my study.  I went to school and set up my laptop and notes on a table in the library since my classroom has been emptied for summer cleaning.  I started to work, but occasionally was distracted by the shelves of books that surrounded me.  I really had to force myself to stay in my chair and not to start browsing the shelves!

As I sat there, contemplating all of the wonderful books that surrounded me, I got this idea for a story about a girl and her school library.  I opened a new file on my computer and started to record the ideas.  I quickly filled up two pages of notes that were more of a stream of consciousness as ideas came to me.  My fingers flew across the keyboard and I could visualize events in this story.  When my ideas began to slow down, I saved my file and returned to Chapter 4, although every once in a while, I thought of something new to add to my story idea.  Periodically, I added those ideas to the story’s file before continuing on with Chapter 4.  I was so excited because I could work on this idea while participating in Teachers Write this summer.

Late last night, after I had exhausted my work on Chapter 4, I returned to my story idea and continued to fill pages with ideas and questions that I needed to ask myself about the different elements of the story.  I worked until about midnight, when I finally closed my laptop and went to bed.

This morning, however, in the light of the day, when I reopened the file with my story ideas, I began to doubt my idea.  I began to over think my idea.  I began to question what I was thinking because there were so many holes in this idea that I would never be able to address.  What seemed magical yesterday didn’t seem quite so wonderful this morning.  I began to doubt my ideas and wondered if I should just dump the file in the computer’s trash can.  Then I reminded myself that this is just a part of the process.  Not all ideas will be perfect and I can’t give up when the writing process gets tough.  I need to give the story a chance.  As I flesh out my ideas, some will be good, but others may need to be dumped.  I need to get all of my ideas down on paper first.  I can’t let doubts rob me of the enthusiasm that I felt yesterday.  Those writing gremlins will strike and try to convince me that my ideas aren’t good, but I cannot give into them.  I need to continue to give life to this story and see where it goes.  I have to give my story a chance.



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